A Simple and Reliable Formula for Happiness, Fulfillment, and Purpose
What if I told you that every experience of your life can be sorted into two simple categories, and that the quality of your life will ultimately be determined by the number and kind of experiences that fall into each?
Helplessness Versus Agency/Acceptance
Helplessness:
Inability to take action against experiences – the feeling of having no, or limited control.
Agency:
The opposite of helplessness; the ability to take action and exercise some level of control over your experiences and life, or to accept that which you cannot control.
Helplessness Examples:
Physically unable to do the things you want to do
Constant hunger cravings for foods that are killing you
Unable to make decisions regarding your life
Abusive and/or imbalanced relationships
Fatigue, brain fog, and lethargy throughout the day
Feeling unloved, unvalued, or unneeded
Feeling incompetent
Agency/Acceptance Equivalents:
Physically able to do almost anything you want to
Predictable hunger cravings for foods that fuel you, and support your lifestyle
Able to make decisions without anxiety, or second guessing yourself
Mutually beneficial, supportive, and balanced relationships
Energy, clear-mindedness, and motivation throughout the day
Feeling loved and valued
Feeling competent
Our bodies and minds will always attempt to adapt to the circumstances and environments we find ourselves in most often.
Persistent and/or severe helplessness causes your body to adapt to just that: Surviving life in helplessness - a low-energy, metabolically dysregulated state in which you feel that life is simply dragging you along while you constantly try not to drown.
Agency informs your body and mind that you are in control of your life, that you can accomplish what you desire, and that you deserve your successes. Living with agency will encourage your body and mind to adapt to a metabolically energetic state; a state that supports your ability to live a life of purpose, fulfillment, and happiness.
Transitioning from helplessness to agency is simple, but not necessarily easy.
To get started, pick something in your life that is defined by helplessness, and can be "most easily" changed to agency. You don't need to pick the most difficult thing from the beginning. The best option is to pick the thing you can change with the least amount of effort, then move on to the next thing. The goal here is to prove to yourself that you can acquire agency over your life, to become accustomed to how it feels, and to make a habit out of it
The more often you practice this, the more your body and mind will adapt to succeeding in this process, and the better prepared you will be to address the bigger issues in your life that had previously left you feeling helpless. You will find yourself able to tackle more and more things; the things which, when you began, seemed far beyond your reach.
If you ever feel lost or confused along the way, just ask yourself, “Where is my helplessness coming from, and how can I replace it with agency or acceptance?”
I promise there will always be an answer, even if isn’t immediately obvious.
Get started!